So I've been obsessing about the goddamn war.....

More specifically, my brother's eventual participation in it...my brother's a PFC in the Army, did his training in nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons at Fort Leonard Wood last summer and has been at Fort Lewis in Washington state ever since. He has a special needs child, so he filed the appropriate paperwork regarding this with the Army, and we erroneously thought it would keep him out of Iraq. Not so. Way before the ink was dry on his divorce, they announced the intended deployment of his company to the Middle East. In a clean-up capacity. For at least 1 year.

I feel cheated, and not just because of the reason mentioned above. See, Lil Bro spent his 20s living life hard and fast. He was fairly irresponsible, did his fair share of drugging and drinking, and lived with me for the better part of a year while barely contributing to the rent and utilities. Our relationship was fractious at best, and I worried that he'd flame out early. I mean, all it takes is one laced drug, right? When his marriage fell apart 2 years ago, it was a turning point. He cleaned up to pass the drug test, joined up, made it through basic and advanced training back to back, and when I saw him at graduation, the difference was evident. He looked and felt strong, and more importantly, he was taking responsibility for his life. It's like having to get acquainted with him all over again, because when we were kids, we had your basic sibling rivalry and didn't get along that great; there's only 3 years between us. I used to beat the crap out of him, until he finally got big enough to beat the crap out of me a couple of times. By then we were in high school, but we both have Irish tempers and stubborn streaks, so we occasionally came to blows. Of course now that we're in our 30s, it's water under the bridge; and I'd love the opportunity now to hang with him and get to know this new, improved Lil Bro better, except I'm in Florida, he's in Washington state, and in 2 months, he'll be in fucking Iraq.

I heard this past weekend that his deployment had been moved up again. He's totally upbeat about it--sooner he's there, sooner he's back; all he wants is no permanent injuries and to not get dead, his words. And the camp he's going to is of course fortressed like a brick shithouse, and has most of the amenities that you'll find at a base in the States. They have frickin' Subway, BK, and Pizza Hut at the base he's probably going to! And his main job is fairly low on the danger spectrum; he's a glorified mailman. But there will also be plenty of convoys and guard duty. And asshole extremists with roadside bombs.

I'm against the war on principle; I'm a flaming liberal who believes that the US has no business acting as the world's police, converting the globe to our way of life. I believe our boys should've pulled out of there the minute Saddam went behind bars, and that if we're going to act as the world's police, then our time should be spent full blast going after Osama bin Laden, so that this nation can get the hell past 9-11. It's not our responsibility to turn Iraq into a democracy or a republic. Hell, they'd probably be better off as a socialist nation. It would certainly boost their economy. We've got enough problems here at home. It's probably the only thing that keeps me from switching to the Green Party, the fact that we have to get a Democrat in the White House in '08, if we expect to balance out any of the damage that W has wrought, so in about another year and a half, I'm going to be writing letters and campaigning my little ass off for the Left.

But I digress...so when I found out he was leaving sooner than expected, I started to obsess. I used to say I wouldn't be watching the news for the next year, but that's unrealistic. I enjoy NPR, checking CNN online throughout the day, and surfing to CNN at night during commercials while watching my shows. I'm a world events buff, and it contributes to my anthropology studies. But how do you not worry? You do, of course; the key is worrying in a healthy fashion. Ruthee reminded me to use my religion, so I'm going to charge a protection charm for him, perform monthly protection spells, and work on my meditation and visualization. Don't think I'm actually talented enough for astral projection, but I want to feel like I'm closer to him, helping him through the tough times.

At least they let everyone go home to see family before deployment. He's due here in about 2 weeks, so hopefully I can get some quality time in. In the meantime, I'm thinking of writing more about it, sort of a sister's eye view of the war, incorporating his accounts with my feelings about him being over there. And I have a ridiculous amount of things to keep my mind occupied. I currently have 5 projects on the needles (FINALLY finished the blue scarf!!), and I'm studying anthropology, world religions, and philosophy with the hope of trading philosophy for environmental science soon. And there's getting us ready to move next year. Shit, I won't have time to worry about Lil Bro!